Monday, January 15, 2019 - "Sticks and Stones"

We all know the old "saw" "Sticks and Stones...." .  Your "Daily Brain Game" is to finish that "saw".  (Which, of course, brings up another question - what is the source of the word "saw" to describe this kinds of witticisms?  Anyhow, back to the point.

The reader probably well knows that the rest of this has a part that says "but words will never hurt me!" Yah, right.  At least for me the words can hurt worse than the "sticks and stones".  Yesterday I had the occasion to experience that again and, I think, perhaps re-discovered the sensitivity my silly brain has in connecting words, their inflection when stated, and the links to past memories that trigger something inside of that tends to "over react" to what is being said.  I read into the words - almost instantaneously- things that are really not there or that are not intended by the sender or fellow communicator. 

On reflection, I can easily call many instances where my reactions caused hurt and/or pain in others - and for that I am truly sorry. If you happen to be reading this you know who you are and I do not need to name names.  I need to figure out a way that when I am in such an exchange of words that I think before I speak -- which in the heat of the moment is not always easy.  For me it is important to note that the feelings that arise as a result include:

• context - what is the situation, i.e  Discussion? Banter? Argument? Emotions?
• the word or words stated
• the inflection of the delivery of the words, i.e. loud, soft, kind, not so kind, rising, lowering
• the body language of the communicator -
• eye contact
• the fellow communicator

I'm sure if I kept listing there would be a longer list.  The incredible things is that the resulting response is instantaneous and sometimes hurtful.  Escalation is inevitable - at least for me, and de-escalation is not easily forthcoming.  

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For me, at least on this occasion the overall result is a fairly sleepless night - hence the early hours of this diatribe. But, once again, I'm finding reflection helpful.  This is not a new thing for me - but putting it down in words on paper (or in this case - digital paper) in this detail is new - and feels helpful personally.

I think that conclusion is all a part of "living in the moment".  Please know that if you are one of the persons I have somehow  _________________  (Fill in the blank), I am truly humbled and sorry for what I said at that moment.  Or if it was a good think - well I'm just humbled.

FYI:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saw_(saying)  and there are many other resources for this. Have a truly awesome week!  Finally, from "Family Rules"  "Show Compassion" and "Use Kind Words" - "Know you are loved!"