Life Changes Forever - in a Split Moment

I am one who truly believes in living in the moment - not lingering or dwelling in the past - not lingering or dwelling too much in the future.  I do realize that there is much to be learned from review of past moments - and that one does need to plan for the future.  I wouldn't be enjoying family, friends, retirement, and so much else if I hadn't planned for the future.  But - it is still almost unfathamable so many lives can be changed in the few moments and split seconds that occurred last Thursday.  A family evening to be enjoyed - lives senslessly snubbed out of existence and many more immeasurably changed forever.

I have experienced feelings of anger and hurt that I've never experienced before.  But I've also experienced and outpouring of love and deep binding relationships with family, friends, even strangers.  Yesterday as I was returning home - I had this overwhelming urge that I wanted to beat the crap out of something....  I called LB and we talked - he was there for me and we talked through some of the rage - it was rage.  I shouldn't even have been driving.  Today, there is a calmness - not yet an acceptance, I think, of what is transpiring.

There is much in the news - a lot of which is not accurate - but I guess people do hunger to know something and to know more - even complete strangers.  In the end, I think, the inaccuracies will be corrected and families will pull even closer together than ever before.  I don't think it changes so much our care values or even maybe our attitudes... some of us have been developing and living with those for many years.  But, these events do change, maybe, our perspectives a bit and how we may act toward others.  Maybe that is my imagination, maybe not.  Today I'm writing because it helps to write - sometimes it helps even to talk to a perfect stranger!  They listen differently, without judgement or subjectivity perhaps.

I've played a few rounds of golf since the 20th... it has helped to be with friends and to get out of doors.  It helps to feel "normal" for a bit.  Because right at this moment though I feel normal, I feel emotionally different.  The past week has been like a roller coaster of anger, sadness, joy, crying, laughter, screaming -- I've not yet taken a baseball bat or sledge hammer to anything... not yet.  Yesterday I started looking for one of those punching dummies... the kind you bash and they get right back up... maybe that is what I'm feeling... like a punching dummy - maybe our family is feeling that - we've been punched hard - real hard... but, like the punching dummy, we'll get right back up!  Live your moments and live them well, life changes forever - in a split moment!