Visiting Ashley

It has been two weeks.  We were able to see Ashley today - still in the ICU.  We were pleasantly surprised to see a vibrant, beautiful, very calm, forward looking young lady.  She is looking forward to getting out of ICU and going to a standard medical ward then on to Craig Rehabilitation.

There is to be a benefit at Bar Louie's on Sunday August 4th.  America and the world hav been generous with the silent auction items -- everything from Broncos signed footballs, golf rounds, dinner tickets, to coffee.  Please go to HelpAsh.org for more information on any way that you can help. 

Our family is overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of friends, family, and perfect strangers.  Thank you to all..... for your prayers and for your generosity in all things.

A Sleepless Night

Thousands of voices - where do they come from - longing to be heard either as individual voices or thousands of voices as one single voice.  Let us be heard.  I'm not speaking in riddles nor am I being - the words leave me for some odd reason.  So if this is read it will be read and a message will only be found if there is a message to be found by the reader.

Our children - the family cousins have come together very creatively to support their cousin in need.  Reference  HelpAsh.org   .  

I thought I had something to write this morning!  But, words have left me for now.  Perhaps it is better to have a blank mind - one that can be written upon by what is in the present moment, sort of a meditation.  I return to that moment, this moment with an open heart and an open mind knowing that what is, is, and what is to be has not yet been determined but will unfold depending on the moment to moment choices that I make.

Life Changes Forever - in a Split Moment

I am one who truly believes in living in the moment - not lingering or dwelling in the past - not lingering or dwelling too much in the future.  I do realize that there is much to be learned from review of past moments - and that one does need to plan for the future.  I wouldn't be enjoying family, friends, retirement, and so much else if I hadn't planned for the future.  But - it is still almost unfathamable so many lives can be changed in the few moments and split seconds that occurred last Thursday.  A family evening to be enjoyed - lives senslessly snubbed out of existence and many more immeasurably changed forever.

I have experienced feelings of anger and hurt that I've never experienced before.  But I've also experienced and outpouring of love and deep binding relationships with family, friends, even strangers.  Yesterday as I was returning home - I had this overwhelming urge that I wanted to beat the crap out of something....  I called LB and we talked - he was there for me and we talked through some of the rage - it was rage.  I shouldn't even have been driving.  Today, there is a calmness - not yet an acceptance, I think, of what is transpiring.

There is much in the news - a lot of which is not accurate - but I guess people do hunger to know something and to know more - even complete strangers.  In the end, I think, the inaccuracies will be corrected and families will pull even closer together than ever before.  I don't think it changes so much our care values or even maybe our attitudes... some of us have been developing and living with those for many years.  But, these events do change, maybe, our perspectives a bit and how we may act toward others.  Maybe that is my imagination, maybe not.  Today I'm writing because it helps to write - sometimes it helps even to talk to a perfect stranger!  They listen differently, without judgement or subjectivity perhaps.

I've played a few rounds of golf since the 20th... it has helped to be with friends and to get out of doors.  It helps to feel "normal" for a bit.  Because right at this moment though I feel normal, I feel emotionally different.  The past week has been like a roller coaster of anger, sadness, joy, crying, laughter, screaming -- I've not yet taken a baseball bat or sledge hammer to anything... not yet.  Yesterday I started looking for one of those punching dummies... the kind you bash and they get right back up... maybe that is what I'm feeling... like a punching dummy - maybe our family is feeling that - we've been punched hard - real hard... but, like the punching dummy, we'll get right back up!  Live your moments and live them well, life changes forever - in a split moment!

Words are Insufficient - Tragedy Strikes Home

One never thinks of tragedies like the Centry 16 murders could hit home.  Our niece and her daughter (our grand niece) were both victims of this senseless act.  The child was shot three times and did not make it.  Her mother, Ashley, is still in intensive care and may never be able to walk again - she still has a bullet lodged next to her spine.  I cannot imagine a young parent, any parent for that matter losing a child or grandchild or having to tell someone, especially your child, that their child was killed.  I cannot fathom what her parents are going through.  As much as it touches other family members, friends, and relatives - those immediately impacted so devastatingly will never be the same again - their lives - ours- changed forever.

It is almost unimagineable how many lives are touched by this - 12 deaths, 59 injured - some critical yet... there immediate families, relatives, shool mates, friends - so many, many lives are touched by this thing. 

While there are those who reach out to comfort, there are also those who prey on the victims and their families - almost with no concern for the family, just concern for their careers and "everyone's right to know" irregardless of the impact on the victims and their families. 

We have very talented folks in our family - at one of our reunions - my family won a family tree quilt - it is beautiful and now cherished even more than ever ..  .  The leaves for Veronica and Ashley had hearts placed on them yesterday...  this keeps them very much in our minds. 

So many have reached out to us and are very supportive - asking what they can do - even we family members struggle to do more, not often knowing exactly what kind of support is needed for the children and their families.  Carolyn and I are blessed to have a home to share with family and children while adults are visiting and sharing with each other at the hospital.  I think - at least for me, I feel helpless to help at times - not wanting to intrude - but wanting to be supportive in any way that I can... sometimes that can just be a hug - sharing tears - and moments that we have together. 

There is going to be a special family vigil tonight in Aurora - President Obama will be there - I'm not sure I want to be there.  I don't want this thing to be political - it is about caring, family, love, concern.  None of us, I think, will ever fully understand what made Holmes do what he did - something so callous and heartless.  He will never understand how much pain he has caused.

The following days will bring so much emotion.... and for a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, that is going to be a lot of emotion....  I'm so fortunate to have Carolyn, supportive children and grandchildren... and so fortunate that they were not at that theater on that night... My heart flutters with joy and thankfulness - yet bleeds for the many, many victims...   thank you family and friends, neighbors, strangers, and all others for your thoughts, prayers, and support - especially for Ashley and her immediate family. 

A Birthday and Some Great Drives

Something worth blogging.  Celebrated a birthday on the 10th.  Couldn't have been better - all the kids and grandkids were here - spouses and a few others.  It was great.  I did the steaks - they ate them up and sang happy birthday... what a wonderful evening.

Played golf today - 43/40 - I was hitting the driver unbelievably well.  I had two drives over 260.  All but three of the drives were in the fairway.  The three there were not in the fairway were in the first cut.  I was putting well, but my short game still left something to be desired - still 83 is a great score for me.

Carolyn and I went shopping and picked out some furniture for the upstairs "great room" or family room, whatever one wishes to call it.

Today we played Coyote Creek, tomorrow it is Plum Creek, Wednesday Fitz, and Thursday Glenmore (not sure of the spelling).