I had a comment from a blog reader a few days ago, more like a question. The individual asked "what inspires you to write? How do you get started?" The answer, for me, is quite simple. I don't think about it. There have been many times when I've said I'll do this every day. That isn't going to happen and perhaps it shouldn't happen. I think I write when something inside me says "you've got to get some thoughts down in black and white!" So, I turn to this and write. Carolyn journals every day. They are her personal thoughts and whatever - I say whatever because she has and probably never will share those thoughts with me or anyone else. I think for her it is a matter of making "meaning" of things in her life. Interesting that I have never asked her about that. Maybe I think it is or would be an invasion of her privacy.
For me - when I write- it is kind of a release. It is an opportunity to let go of something that needs letting go of. It is a matter of sharing my thoughts, feelings, emotions in such a way that maybe someone else - even perfect strangers - may note or gain something that triggers a growth or longing or sense of peace or inquisitiveness somewhere in the depths of their heart and mind. Perhaps that is a bit "ostentatious" or "grandiose" but it is what flows from my mind to my fingertips to the written page.
For some reason I've been thinking a lot about ancestry lately. Jack helped that a bit as he has traced his family back to BC - yes, BC. Well, I'm not quite sure that is the reason I've become interested again. I think it is more that when I see the names and dates it takes my very vivid imagination back to scenes of those days and gives me a greater sense of who I am and what my family has contributed to the gift of "being alive" and to what makes me, me!
I feel, rather think that I'm at a point in my life where being "secretive" and having "secrets" is kinda stupid! It isn't that there is any secret that I have that would be a revelation to anyone else. It is just that there are those thoughts and feelings and emotions that have for some reason or another remained untold. I'm not sure whether it is to protect me or to protect someone else. I have this obsession about closed doors, drawers, containers and such. It drives me a bit nuts when someone leaves a door or drawer ajar. Perhaps there is a relationship to that and holding things tight to one's self. A form of protection. If the drawer is open something will be revealed that shouldn't be revealed. Or perhaps there is no relationship at all and its just if there is a door and it isn't fully open, it should be tightly and fully shut.... that is just the way of things. But, I do think that somewhere there is a correlation!
Ah well, today is not going to be "just another day". It is a day where I will have adventures of the soul and the mind. My thoughts will, perhaps, take my places I've never been before and stir things up that may or may not be totally pleasant - but will always be a way of healing and getting more of a sense of what life means to me and to those who are and have been a part of my life. Not necessarily re-living moments and times, but making whole the moments that I share and learn from right now.
Carolyn - I miss you and plan to talk with you today! You are indeed, the light of my life!
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